Two years ago, I began a list of what makes me happy. These are a few of the items on that list:
People. Friends I hadn’t seen in a while ran toward me and picked me up in a hug. A random boy held the door for me. Julia and Ellie ran to my club stand in Bass to say hi. Kennedy checked in when I said I didn’t want to go out. Kenzie’s friend said I was pretty. The adults I work with liked my pants. My brother randomly called me to say hi. The eyebrow lady said I had beautiful eyebrows. I smiled at a construction worker along the road and he smiled back. Mitchell was telling me about a boy he likes and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. I SAW SO MANY PEOPLE I LOVE TODAY. Ran into Hayden Sparks from high school and it was nice. Made a new friend on the bus! Called my mom. Alexa came in and jumped on my bed after returning from her night out. I told Valeriya I was studying alone and she tracked my location and showed up to work with me.
Animals. My resco’s new head of college has an eighty-pound black lab named Dash. I now like to claim partial ownership of this dog. I have a group chat with Head Peccia and his wife. Whenever I want dog time, I text them. Dash and I go on runs. We hike East Rock. We get froyo. We explore New Haven. For some reason, I introduced myself as Gabs to the Peccias. My family nicknamed me Gabs. Only my favorite people refer to me this way. Now, my head of college does. It makes me feel more at home. Head Peccia says that whenever he says “Gabs,” Dash starts wiggling his entire butt.
Saving money. The bakery gave me three cookies – I only bought two! I got a bike for $5 and now I drive it around like it’s my car. I like the clothes I got from YSE’s pop-up thrift shop! I got to drive to Trader Joe's for free!
Separation from School. I got a new job and it’s the only thing that gets me out of bed before ten. I do science experiments with seventh and eighth graders. Last week, I set up an aquarium with them and ordered live fish. Only one fish has died (as of three days ago). It pays $16.25 an hour. It’s awesome.
Familiarity. The woman at my hair salon called me mija. I laughed with my friends until my stomach hurt. I played sand volleyball. Mom drove me home from the gym. I slept in a bed with my best friends from high school. I woke up to the sound of my family talking in our kitchen. I’m so excited to see a friend later today that I rushed through my homework. I was funny at lunch. I felt productive. I saw Maya today. Went to Nana’s. I’M HOME I DID IT.
Little Successes. My idea of success at Yale is feeling like a real student. Not a pretend one. Staying up late to study. Being excited for classes the following semester. Studying hard for a midterm. Collapsing into bed because I’ve had a productive day. Calling my parents and telling them college gossip – the stuff I expected from college.
Independence. I took care of myself today. I read while walking on the treadmill late on a Friday night. I got to the bus on time for my class field trip at 6:50 am. I got myself to go on a run! I felt shitty so I worked out and watched Trolls instead of napping. I read a good book on the train to the airport. I got an internship offer! Got to stay home on a Saturday night and read. I was tired and texted a friend to reschedule our plans. I made it home. Went to work before classes this morning. I CAUGHT A SHARK.
Jonny. Jonny is my ex-boyfriend. We’re from the same city in Arizona. We came to Yale together. Every time we hang out it makes its way into my happy list. I like that we broke up but still care for each other.
Nature. The smell of fertilizer. Fog. When the air is crisp. Dusk. The smell of fires. It’s beautiful out and I got to stick my head out the window of a car. It smells like green outside. Saw a shooting star. Laid in the sun.
What do these all have in common? They all show that some days, I feel like myself. And those are great days.