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Not Anonymous

Trigger Warning: disordered eating

the tip of the iceberg

is the most misleading thing

it glistens under sunlight

beautiful like a kaleidoscope

catching the sky in an ephemeral

yet magical way

at the start of it all

when the sleepless nights first began

the voices whispered

the only way to gain control

is to have power over what goes in you

and so i did

but then

i guess they got bored

its not enough they said

we’re hungry for more

just take a breath and release

and so i fed them

i gave them my all

and as they got stronger

their demands got harsher

but succumbing to their power

became second nature

and thus i served

they screamed they argued

selfishly craving different things  

senseless but feeling

shattered but hopeful  

sleepless but alive

and now i guess

they’ve won

in fits of anger

you cannot control

you pummel me

burning lashes of rage against my heart

drawing blood on insecurities

empowering old scars of self loathing

i can’t help that you

tear down the bridges inside me

rip the thread i hang on

disassemble the walls ive tried

with every shard of strength

to build

it’s not your fault that

sometimes, that voice inside my head

that relentlessly shuts me down

sounds a lot like yours

it’s not your fault that

i turn away and not towards you

that i whither at your words

and feel their searing effect

it’s not your fault that

all that i’m left with

is mascara streaked cheeks

and a chewed up core

i’m the cause and the effect

the emotional abuser

and the one caught

in the crossfire

my hollowness

my worthlessness

the ugliness in my veins

thats all on me

By Hana Davis.



This is good for me.