Trigger Warning: disordered eating
the tip of the iceberg
is the most misleading thing
it glistens under sunlight
beautiful like a kaleidoscope
catching the sky in an ephemeral
yet magical way
—
at the start of it all
when the sleepless nights first began
the voices whispered
the only way to gain control
is to have power over what goes in you
and so i did
but then
i guess they got bored
its not enough they said
we’re hungry for more
just take a breath and release
and so i fed them
i gave them my all
and as they got stronger
their demands got harsher
but succumbing to their power
became second nature
and thus i served
they screamed they argued
selfishly craving different things
senseless but feeling
shattered but hopeful
sleepless but alive
and now i guess
they’ve won
—
in fits of anger
you cannot control
you pummel me
burning lashes of rage against my heart
drawing blood on insecurities
empowering old scars of self loathing
i can’t help that you
tear down the bridges inside me
rip the thread i hang on
disassemble the walls ive tried
with every shard of strength
to build
it’s not your fault that
sometimes, that voice inside my head
that relentlessly shuts me down
sounds a lot like yours
it’s not your fault that
i turn away and not towards you
that i whither at your words
and feel their searing effect
it’s not your fault that
all that i’m left with
is mascara streaked cheeks
and a chewed up core
i’m the cause and the effect
the emotional abuser
and the one caught
in the crossfire
my hollowness
my worthlessness
the ugliness in my veins
thats all on me
By Hana Davis.
